Originally published at The Apochrypha. Please leave any comments there.

Just to start off this isnt a reaction to today or Vonnies LJ post the other day. Don’t want anyone getting the wrong idea from the start.

Have you ever had that feeling of your life just rolling along? It’s the same thing everyday and any small bump in the road gets taken care of. Or you’ve got a huge hill to climb but rather than take the tough direct route to the top you go the route that runs around and around the hill going up gradually meanwhile singing “She’ll be coming round the mountain when she comes…”

Thats how I feel. Stuck in a rut effectively without the ability to jump of the trail and go directly from A to B without anything in the middle. Between work taking up most of my day and family taking most of the night it doesn’t leave me with the energy and time needed to step things up and move our family from subsisting in the house to living in our home. The only time I get to really do any work around the house of substance is on a sunday morning when everyone else is at church but even then thats only about 2-3 hours in total if they go somewhere afterwards. I want to get this place sorted but its going to take more than that to do and it’s going to take more energy than I currently have.

Add into all this my migraines have been horrific this last week. Up until the weekend I was dosed up on ibuprofen and cocodamol. Neither of which really took the pain away but it helped a little. The only problem is neither one helps enough on its own and cocodamol knocks me for six. The amount of errors I’ve made at work has been stupidly high because of it and I’m walking about the house like a zombie. The new pills are helping but I’m only allowed 2 per day and they run out after about 5 hours. I’m not even sure if I can use them in conjuction with the normal pills to get me through the rest of the day. Suffice it to say right nowI could forget where I put my keys and be sitting there with them in my hands and not have a clue where they were.

I need need need to fix this.

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Originally published at The Apochrypha. Please leave any comments there.

The past couple of days have been weird. On the way home from work on tuesday I had real trouble keeping my eyes open. I thought I was shattered and my eyes were just giving up on me. I was tired though but when I got home I seemed fine.

Yesterday had me stressed to the high heavens with work but by the time I went home I was feeling the same except I’d completely lost my appetite at work so had no lunch and was very slightly disorientated. You know the way you get when you just a little to drunk and you move your head and it takes a second for your brain to catch up? Thats how I’ve been. Add into that a blinding headache, sore jaws and kidneys, an inability to either keep warm or stay cool and I’m generally not a happy chappy.

It’s always the same. I get a migraine and its either someone trying to put an icepick through one of my eyes for 10 minutes or its 3 days of feeling like I’m drunk and really hungover at the same time. It’s only been today that I’ve actually read up on migraines and it seems almost all of my symptoms from my mysterious stomach bug I keep getting can be attributed to my migraines. About the only one I can think of thats not quite in line is the length of time my stomach plays up for during my bouts of illness.

This wouldn’t actually be all that bad except becuase of my sick record this year I’m having to work through most of the times I’d normally call in sick. Today for example I’d usually take 2 co-codamol and let that knock me for six so that I’m not bothered by the pain or discomfort. As is I’m having to take one pill and work through it all whilst my head swims and home I don;t conk out at my desk fast asleep. I have to say though I’ve done not to bad today as anytime I’ve felt as though I was about to drop off I went for a walk and the cold in the central stairwells woke me right back up again.

So yeah, I’ve got a docs appointment tomorrow to see if they can work out whats going on. I’m trying really hard not to read symptoms and automatically assume thats what I have. I did that once with diabetes and it turned out I just drank to much irn bru. The caffiene was keeping me awake giving me sore eyes and keeping me thirsty and the more I drank the more I went to the toilet. Simple answer when you think about it.

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Those were my words to my boss on tuesday morning. I’d been up all night unable to sleep and the previous two days my eyes had been yellow and bloodshot so I thought a visit to the doctors was called for. Turns out I have a suspected kidney infection and because thats messing mwith my eyes they are really sensative and giving me migraines if I spend to long at the PC or in front of the TV. I cant even sit comfortably or without being in pain thanks to my kidneys either. I think the only time im comfortable is when im lying on my back or standing up and when im standing its only for the first few minutes until the pain kicks back in. Anyway I’m doped up on painkillers which has dulled it enough to deal with but my god its annoying. I cant sit at work and do anything and I cant relax at home either. In fact about the only thing I can do is lie down and read.

Add in to this Vonnies pelvis is really giving her problemsand Finn banging his head almost daily and the house is like doctors waiting room.

For the record its taken me almost a week to write up the previous entry and last night and this morning to do this one thanks to the sore back and fucked eyes

Put politely I’m fucked. Been struck down with a bugger of a cold since Tuesday. I just feel as though my sinuses want to kill me and now that I’ve started to debung I’m coughing. Coughs arent usually that bad unless its a real raspy chesty cough but this ones an annoyingly empty cough. Barely anything sets it off and I can cough and cough and nothing moves. It just stays ticklish. Thinking of going back to work tomorrow as if I keep active I seem to be OK but even walking up the stairs is making me break out in a sweat half the time.

I’ve been gradually trying to sort the kitchen out into something that resembles order. Since we lost the huge cupboard when we got the boiler fitted we’ve been struggling for storage space but I think we’ve worked something out for now. Just leaves the washing to get up to date with and the kitchen should be clear . Also since we had the carpets fitted Finn’s room has been a state and we’ve constantly meant to sort it out properly for him but between my sickleave for migraines and this cold I’ve not really been able to do much. This caused a problem today when Finn got home from school and the rain started coming down heavy. I had to sort it out into some sort of order so that he’d have enough space to play and put his lego out on the floor etc. With his help we got it ddone in about an hour but my god did I feel it afterards. Walking him to anf from school the last couple of days has nearly killed me as well. I collapsed on the couch this morning and barely moved for about 3 hours. I just didnt have the energy!

Nairn started nursery today. We certainly felt weird about it but he didnt seem to mind. In fact early reports seem to sugest that he loved it. Maybe this will work

I’ve been meaning to get the photoblog up and running properly but due to me only finding my digi compact the other day and realising that the batteries are dead I’ve not really been able to keep up with updates. This meant your having to put up with crappy pics I took with the SLR whilst sitting nursing my pint at a wedding we were at the other night. None of the pics I took actually came out that well seeing as I was trying out all the settings on it. Vonnie got a few good pics though.

Right I’m off to bed. Vonnies been up there for the last hour trying to recover from her stupidly early start every thursday so I think its only fair I join her and get some sleep.

My fuck what a time its been since the last update.

I’ve spent the last week feeling like crap and to be honest I’m not actually feeling that much better. Started off at the weekend and anything I was eating was running right through me and then I started getting migraines and completely lost my appetite. By Wednesday my appetite was back but my stomach still couldnt handle it but that was all better by Friday. My migraines havent buggered off though. They eased off a little on Sunday but they’ve been like hell today as well.

The heating was installed on thursday/friday but thanks to a cock-up by the gas folk they cant actually connect us until the 26th or something stupid like that. They won’t even listen to Vonnie’s arguement half the time. Still the main bits done now and the drilling and hammering and general noise has stopped. We managed to get carpets as well for the bedrooms and the living room but as the guy was able to make our day with the price of it all I’m curious to see how long they’ll last even though they look good and look like they could take some wear and tear.

In other news Vonnie goes back to uni in two weeks time and I’m thinking about changing my job. Looking at applying for a transfer in work first off but we’ll see how things go with that before looking elsewhere.

What is it with this weather? Guarenteed the moment the sun comes out and the air gets hot i get a migraine. Well not so much a migraine as a cluster headache. You’ve probably heard me moan about them before because they can be a complete bastard. They are worse than migraines but thankfully they dont last anywhere near as long. The only problem is in this weather I can get 3-4 of them in a day where as I’d usually only maybe get 1 every 2 months normally.

I keep getting asked how a cluster headache feels and I never seem to work it out. Imagine if you can stubbing your toe hard on a doorframe whilst wearing only sock and doing it repeatedly for about an hour. Now if you were to condense that into maybe 5 minutes and condense the pain at the same time you might start to come close. Add into that the feeling that one of your eyeballs is about to explode due to it expanding inside your skull and someones trying to pop it with a sharp knife at the back of the eye. The only way I can deal with them is to walk up and down the office or the hall at home. The only problem with this just now is whenever I’ve been getting them I’ve been that busy that I cant step away from my desk for teh few minutes it would take to get over it.

I never started getting them until I hit about 19 years of age and I only ever really got them when I was on holiday so I alwasy just put it down to a really bad hangover, bright sunshine and to much ice cold Sprite drank too quickly to cure the hangover. Now I know different but it doesnt make it any easier to handle

I hate migraines. I can always tell when ones going to come on way before it first hits.

My migraines usually come from the fact that my eyes are shot to hell. Ive got one eye thats ok and the other needs teh weakest lens if I was to wear glasses but its the fact that it takes me forever to focus that is the problem. I can sit at work with my PC beside the window and look from the monitor to the view outside perfectly well as glasgow and the hills beyond force me eyes to focus on infinity which is really easy to do. Yesterday the clouds meant I could barely see passed the carpark properly and they’ve started building the Lidl’s beside the office so theres constant movememtn right outside that catches my eye. Basically I spent yesterday constantly trying to refocus and I could feel the pressure building up behind my right eye.

Round about 3pm it finally hit and it felt like my head was a coconut and some daft wee monkey was on my head hitting it with a stone while its mate tried to pokey my eye out from behind. Tried to lie down when I got to Vonnies but closing my eyes and lying horizontally just made the room spin so sleeping or a bath was out of the question until later on. Eventually got a bath but when Vonnie turned up she said I was almost chalk white…never a good thing.

Feel much better today though